NOTE: This is not an actual life threatening disease, but can become one if not treated properly. Also, please excuse my foul language in this post.
And I squarely blame his agent Eugene Parker.
The San Francisco 49er rookies and veterans reported on July 28th and July 30th respectively and camp “officially” began on August 1st at the 49er team headquarters in Santa Clara. Since training camp began, ONE notable name has yet to arrive to camp to join his teammates.
DUH!! Everyone already knows that the answer is wide receiver Michael Crabtree. Yes, the two time Fred Biletnikoff Award winner by being the nation’s best wide receiver
While reading this, you are probably asking yourselves:
What kind of disease did Eugene Parker give to Michael Crabtree?
Most of you might have not heard of this disease, but it has been around for a long time. One year ago, the disease was finally given a name. You know what; I’m just going to cut to the chase.
Michael Crabtree and Eugene Parker have the BITCHASSNESS disease!!!
Yep, that’s right, the BITCHASSNESS disease!
*Readers with confused looks on their faces*
The word was coined by Sean “Diddy” Combs on an episode of MTV’s Making the Band 4 Season 2. During the episode, Robert is upset that his band mates (Will, Brian, Mike, and Que) rat him out to Diddy. Robert tells them that his feelings are hurt and his band mates should have called him out a long time ago. Actually, this Youtube clip of the episode should help.
That should help.
The symptoms of the Bitchassness disease are:
*Claiming “hurt feelings” but are called out by someone
* Whining, throwing fits, or overall cattiness
*Think highly of yourself, but express them when no one is paying attention
*Being a hater
*Talking behind somebody’s back
*Being a coward in a particular situation
*Not taking care of your responsibilities
These are some of the bitchassness symptoms. Seriously, if anyone dispels any of these symptoms, they have the bitchassness disease. I’m going to give some examples of how Crabtree and Parker have this disease.
Michael Crabtree:
During the offseason, Matt Maiocco, Santa Rosa Press Democrat 49er beat writer, reported (through a 49er source) that Crabtree showed up late to a meeting and Mike Singletary gave the entire team extra runs on the practice field. Through the source, Crabtree didn’t apologize to his teammates. After the incident, the source told Maiocco that his teammates are warming up to him.
This incident just reminds me of some elementary/middle school/high school crap when the ENTIRE class was punished due to ONE person’s stupidity. Crabtree already knows (if he doesn’t, then SOMEBODY please pop him in the head! I will thank you) that he has a chip on his shoulder due to the rumors that the Cleveland Browns turned sour on him because of his reported “diva” behavior.
During that incident, he displayed the “think highly of yourself” symptom, which is a sign of the bitchassness disease. Well, he brought that on to himself, but his agent
EUGENE PARKER!!!
He is LARGELY responsible for spreading the bitchassness disease to Crabtree. Right now, Parker is seeking TOP 5 money for his client because, in his crackheaded mind, Crabtree should have been a top 5 selection. Basically, he is attempting to rewrite the rules. If he succeeds with this nonsense, then other unsigned rookies (that were drafted 10th and lower) will base their contract on Crabtree’s.
Excuse me, Eugene Parker. Who the hell do you think you are? Drew Rosenhaus? CHILD PLEASE!!!!!! (Yes, I did quote Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson, and so what?!?). Do you know that NINE other teams passed up your client and he should get a contract based on his placement in the draft (I’m calling for a rookie salary cap in the NFL because I’m tired of this nonsense rookie holdouts). You and Crabtree need to agree on a contract, so your client can bring his ass to training camp.
Due to having surgery repairing a stress fracture in March, Crabtree is already BEHIND in learning routes, formations, etc. Parker needs to know that his client is not at Texas Tech or running Mike Leach’s spread offense, he is in a GROWN ASS MAN’S league. His teammates and coaching staff do not time to wait on him–he has A LOT to learn!!!
Parker has THREE symptoms of the bitchassness disease: thinking highly of himself, not taking care of responsibilities, and acting cowardly about the situation. Also, I believe that Parker spread those last two symptoms, which I mentioned, to Crabtree.
Even Matt Maiocco blames Parker for not taking responsibility when Crabtree draft stock fell.
Anyway, my friend Brian Smith wants Crabtree to score 2 TDs in the 49ers season opener against the defending NFC West Champion Arizona Cardinals. Personally, I want Crabtree to sign and report to training camp with the motivation that those nine teams made a mistake passing him in the draft, including the Oakland Raiders for drafting Darrius “No Hands” Heyward-Bey, and that he is NOT some sort of “diva”. I want Crabtree to come to camp and get to work because he has a lot to learn. Additionally, I want Crabtree to succeed in the league.
Before I end this post, I just want to let everyone know that the BITCHASSNESS disease exist. If anyone shows any of these symptoms, please CALL THEM OUT!!!
